Non-verbal
Communication C-5
You
catch more flies with syrup than with vinegar.
During interpersonal
communication we communicate in two ways: verbally and non- verbally.
Unless the nonverbal message is consistent with the verbal message,
we communicate contradictory or confusing messages.
LEARNING OBJECTIVES
After finishing this
module you should be able to:
1. Recognize the importance
of non-verbal communication.
2. Observe non-verbal communication which supports or contradicts
the verbal message.
3. Practice non-verbal communication which is consistent with
a verbal message.
HOW DO WE COMMUNICATE
NON-VERBALLY
We communicate non-verbally
by facial expressions, gestures, posture, bodily action, eye contact,
and personal appearance. We do this consciously sometimes but
usually we do it unconsciously. There are approximately 700,000
non-verbal signals that have been identified. We can improve our
communication if we can become aware of unconscious signals that
we give which contradict or distract from our verbal message.
We can also consciously use non-verbal messages to reinforce our
verbal message. This takes effort to observe non-verbal messages,
to understand when they support and when they distract from the
verbal message, to anticipate situations when we wish to consciously
use non-verbal communication, and to practice (rehearse then use)
non- verbal reinforcement properly.
Consider some examples:
Facial expression
indicates joy, fear, confidence, attentiveness, sadness, anger,
friendliness, hostility, etc. Use the friendly smile to break
the ice and communicate openness.
Gestures can
encourage or discourage contact. Stroking the chin may indicate
thoughtfulness--that the listener is considering what was just
said. Rubbing the nose may indicate disbelief or even contempt.
Arms locked across the chest may indicate defensiveness or hostility.
Clenched fists may indicate nervousness, fear or hostility. Some
"public speakers" have learned to "over use"
gestures. Waving arms and mechanically repeated hand gestures
can detract from the verbal message. Use natural gestures with
the hands to illustrate or emphasize a point. Do not clasp your
hands or just let them hang at your sides or always keep them
in your pockets. These gestures (of lack of gestures) make you
appear stiff and/or nervous. The ability to use natural gestures
can be improved with practice and experience.
Posture should
be natural, not exaggerated. Slumping indicates laziness or lack
of interest. Rigid posture indicates fear or nervousness. Leaning
slightly toward a person indicates respect and attentiveness.
Leaning slightly backward at the appropriate time can reinforce
that you are seriously considering what was said (especially when
used with facial expression and gestures). Posture is particularly
important when listening to a speaker. People like to "get
comfortable" but in so doing they may give the speaker the
message that they are not listening or that they are bored. Practice
sitting up straight and leaning forward to give the speaker a
positive non-verbal message (taking notes helps if you lean forward
and write on a table or desk arm).
Bodily action
-- jerky movements may indicate nervousness, impatience or hostility.
They usually detract from the spoken word. When speaking before
groups don't pace back an forth; don't rock from one foot to another;
don't bob your shoulders. Don't unnecessarily shuffle your notes
or play with jewelry or coins in your pocket. To put a person
at ease keep your bodily movements slow and smooth. Don't persistently
groom yourself (ie., brush your hair back with your hand. This
may communicate lack of confidence, or that you are preoccupied
with yourself--even self-centered. During an interview or office
conference when you are trying to make a favorable impression,
avoid tapping your shoe on the floor or your fingers on anything.
A variation of this sign of impatience is to cross your legs and
move your foot rhythmically. Watch for the person to sit up in
his/her chair. This may mean that your time is up. If you want
to give a non-verbal message that you need to end a conversation
in your office, trying shifting forward in your chair. Do it smoothly
and slightly the first time. Then try a slightly more abrupt movement.
If it does not work then you may need to tell the person that
you have another appointment or a need to finish your work before
you can continue.
Eye contact
is important to show respect and attentiveness (but not in all
cultures). This non-verbal message, like virtually all of them,
can be over used and therefore distract. The eyeball itself shows
no expression. The tissue around your eyes can be used purposefully
(usually for facial expression). Avoid scowls or blank stares.
Maintaining eye contact for a few seconds emphasizes a point.
Be careful of looking out the window or focusing on an object
in the room when communicating interpersonally. When speaking
to groups try to establish eye contact with various people in
different parts of the room.
Personal appearance
includes cleanliness, neatness, grooming, and clothes appropriate
to the occasion. You can overdress for some occasions. College
professors who overdress or wear reading glasses in informal community
meetings support the stereotype of "ivory tower intellectuals
who have nothing practical to offer." Many people like to
establish their "identity" or individual uniqueness
through exaggerated grooming or clothing. This can distract from
effective communication. It may stereotype the individual in a
way that is detrimental to communication.
Caution!!! The
examples given above are indications, not absolute rules. Non-verbal
signals can be easily misinterpreted. Before reacting to a non-verbal
signal, look for other signals that support or neutralize it.
Likewise avoid using
non-verbal gestures to manipulate other people. Your lack of sincerity
will get you into more trouble than occasionally and inadvertently
misusing nonverbal signals.
QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION
1. Can you add to the
examples of non-verbal signals which can help or hinder communication.
2. What non-verbal
signals irritate you most?
3. What non-verbal
signals do you consciously use to reinforce your message?
EXERCISE:
Take turns role-playing
the following situations. Those who are not in the role play should
take notes on non-verbal signals that help or detract from the
verbal message.
1. Office visit to
get acquainted. Both individuals want to get acquainted with the
other person and make a favorable impression. Both consider that
the other person may be a helpful collaborator on some project
in the future.
2. Office interview.
One person interviews the other person who has applied to be the
interviewer's personal secretary. Three other equally qualified
applicants are waiting to be interviewed.
3. Conflict. Person
#1 is the boss of #2. #2 has received an annual evaluation that
is slightly below last year's evaluation. #2 is unhappy because
performance and accomplishment have been equal to last year's.
#1 firmly believes that the evaluation was correct, that #2 is
a valuable employee but can improve in performance and accomplishment.
4. Conflict. Person
#1 is President of a volunteer organization. #2 is a volunteer
who is frustrated with the organization and wants to drop out.
Since they have always been friends #2 wants to tell #1 face to
face before simply dropping out.
5. Give an extemporaneous
speech in which you wish to convince the group (representing the
parks and recreation committee) that they should use new funds
to build tennis courts rather than a swimming pool. Most of the
group favors a swimming pool.
6. Design your own
role play situation based on experiences that you have had when
your interpersonal communication was misinterpreted.
7. Design a role play
based on an upcoming event when you need to use effective communication
in a delicate situation.
After each role play,
discuss what happened (both role players and observers). Discuss
non-verbal signals which were used or misused. Decide how the
role players could have improved their non-verbal communication
skills. |
